My other accounts, for those of you who’d like to stay connected. If Tumblr maintains these guidelines, i don’t expect to stick around. The knee jerk reaction to limit fandoms and content creators rather than address porn bots or legitimately toxic blogs is not something i want to support with my continued participation.
*me, owning a strange boutique housegoods/book store selling a variety of mystic, occult objects but no one realizes I live there, this is literally my living room*
How much for this stick I can shake at God?
10 bucks
can i get these three backscratchers with a bundle discount
15% discount for 3 or more
How bout this book? I think it’s look cool with a cosplay I’m planning
40 bucks but never attempt to read or open it
How much is the doll?
Oh that? Just take it. Take it far far away and do not allow it to return
How about this?
$29.99. Just be careful not to leave the candles burning at night, the gremlin comes alive and likes to wander around and go through your stuff
text overlaid atop the dragon age logo that reads “@fadetastic is a bae who gives the best reviews on FanFiction ever. Seriously, their kind thoughts and genuine opinions never fail to brighten my whole day!!”
Welcome, one and all, to WIP Wednesday Smut Edition! nsfw below, bitchess
These are all from secretsmut (i included a couple close matches just for you ♥):
He works his way down the smooth expanse of her ribs and belly. Slowly, slowly.
Her breath hitches. Stops, then continues, shallow and silent. She’s staring down at him expectantly, toes flexing and curling and grasping at the sheets beside him.
But he does not give her what she’s waiting for.
&
And he drinks of her greedily, of her slick and her writhing and her quiet little noises. Of the warm press of her thighs, close around his head as she tries both to pull him in further and allow him room to breathe—not that breathing is a priority just now.
&
He closes his lips around her clit and sucks. Gently at first. Then harder, with another curl of his fingers and she cries out, voice echoing against the stone walls. His neglected cock, long since hardened, pulses with desire at the sound.
&
Curling her face into the curve of his neck, she hooks her legs around his hips and pulls. Fist in the sheets, he curses and shakes and she closes her sharp teeth over his skin as she takes him in, the pain of it buzzing somewhere on the outermost fringes of his awareness.
And here’s some future Three for you:
She pushes gently on his shoulders. He sits back on his heels and his arms come around, welcoming her in as she straddles him, kisses him like she used to: like he’s all the air in the room, and she’ll kill for a taste of it.
🙂 satisfied?
The Game: Send me a word; if it’s in my WIPs, I’ll share the line with you!
A late offering, inspired by @the-tevinter-biscuit‘s Fenris Appreciation Month theme for Day 8: Leto.
Full disclosure, this started off as a philosophical discussion of names and quickly got derailed into smut. *points at Fenris* It’s his fault, not mine.
Read on AO3 instead: tinyurl.com/fenhawke9
***********************
Fenris turned the page. “Shall I continue?”
“Yes, please,” Hawke said, then yawned widely. “Keep going.”
He raised one eyebrow. “Hawke, you are half-asleep. What is the point of this?”
She tucked herself more securely against his side and curled her fists under her chin. “The point is that you’re talking, and I like it. Go on, keep reading to me.”
He sighed and idly stroked her silk-clad shoulder. “Spoiled,” he muttered, then continued his careful reading. “Formerly the Revered Mother Dorothea of Orlais, Divine Justinia V rose to power after the death of Divine Beatrix the Third in the year 9:34 of the Dragon Age. Little is known of Dorothea’s background before she joined the Chantry as an…” He paused and struggled for a moment. “An in… initiate.”
Hawke sighed musically. “Fascinating,” she murmured.
He leaned away from her and shot her a pointed look. “This is dull and you know it.”
She rolled onto her back and stretched her arms over her head. “Well, you won’t read to me anymore from The Knight’s Favour, so what other choices do we have?”
“You weren’t listening when I read from that book of trash,” Fenris drawled. “You were entirely too… distracted.”
She grinned wickedly at him, then rolled back toward him and propped her cheek on her fist. “Of course I was,” she said pertly. “Remind me again, how did that phrase go?” She dropped her voice to an exaggeratedly deep and growly register. “‘Ser Colin pulled his glove off finger by finger. His bare hand trembled as he caressed the duchess’s silken-’”
She broke off with a squeal of laughter when Fenris pinched her waist. “That is not what I sound like,” he said haughtily.
“You’re right. Your voice is much sexier,” she purred, and tried to sneak her fingers beneath his shirt.
Fenris grabbed her errant hand, then lifted it to his mouth and lightly nipped her wrist. “Behave,” he scolded. “I am enthralled by this fascinating book.”
Hawke groaned, then rolled onto her back again and folded her arms behind her head. “Fine. Continue the history lesson if you must.”
So in lore, vampires have this trait that I’ve almost never seen used, and that’s the fact that vampires are OBSESSED with counting things. Like, the Count on Sesame Street was almost certainly created specifically as a vampire because of this piece of lore.
Like, I read this vampire book years and years ago that explained that a surefire way to protect yourself from vampires getting into your house was to spread a ton of seeds on your doorstep–poppy and mustard seeds were particularly recommended for the purpose. Basically, if you suspected someone to be a vampire, all you had to do was drop a sackful of seeds on the ground in front of them.
If they didn’t immediately start counting them, they were not a vampire. However, if they WERE a vampire, they’d be seized with the urge to count all the seeds and they would not budge from that spot until they knew how many seeds there were in total. The point was to keep them there until the sun came up and killed them, because if they hadn’t counted all the seeds by sunrise they wouldn’t be able to leave. Presumably you could just go about the rest of your evening as normal, though no word on whether it’s possible to make them lose count and start over.
Having remembered this piece of lore, I want fewer stories about brooding tortured Edward Cullen-esque vampires. I want to start seeing more stories about math nerd vampires.
Vampire accountants who are an honest company’s best asset and a corrupt company’s bane because they are frighteningly accurate with the accounts and will not hesitate to blow the whistle on a CEO scamming money because fuck you for making the numbers wrong.
Vampire cashiers that don’t need to look at the register screen because they already mentally calculated your total. 10-items-or-less vampires who know goddamn well you have 20 items in that basket and NO, you cannot just slip in with the rest.
Vampire math tutors who are constantly in high demand and have to hold lotteries to see who gets to be tutored by them.
MATH NERD VAMPIRES
If anyone would like the term for this, it’s arithmomania.
“But sir, he’s a vampire!!!”
“Vampire or not, he’s the best damn accountant we have here, and i’d let him drink my blood before i fire him!”
“still less of a leech than Matt in legal. Fuck matt”
Okay but also, vampires as drug dealers- a profession that requires extremely quick, extremely accurate counting. “You’re 5 dollars short.” “There’s 50,000 dollars in there at least, how the fuck did you count that fast-” “Pay up or I will drink you like a slurpee.”
I’ve never heard this specifically about vampires before. Though, it is part of lowland folklore around here that you can keep spirits from entering your house by tying a rope of knots on your doorknobs.
Same principle. The spirit gets distracted counting the knots and doesn’t enter.
“The balance you need for a lucid dream is like standing on the precipice of climax,” Solas says. “The pleasure rises inside of you, but you must hold it back if you wish to truly enjoy it. It is a heightened state of torturous ecstasy.”
“So you want me to learn lucid dreaming by withholding orgasms?” she asks in a strained voice.
“Exactly,” he replies in satisfaction. “When you feel you are about to come, you will tell me to stop. Then we will repeat. You will not come until I decide you are ready.”
“And when will that be?” Elia retorts. Her voice is sharp, she knows, but her arousal is such that she’s feeling irate already.
“When you have learned this lesson, vhenan,” he whispers.
Do you have statistics to prove this? 🙂 And even if that is so, what of it? Like, what are you trying to say? That everyone should read fanfic for the same reasons? That there is only one right reason and one right way to consume fanfic? That what a majority does is right and what a minority does is wrong? Please do enlighten me.
There are a lot of reasons why people read fanfics. I have probably considered most of them.
Also, what @lordhellebore said.
I’ll say this until I die – this place has started to propagate the exact same fucked-up ideas that messed me up so badly as a teen raised in a highly conservative Christian environment. If, when I ran screaming from that environment, someone had told me that I’d find the same knee-jerky nonsense in ‘progressive’ spaces, I wouldn’t have believed them for a second!
And yet here we are, with people like this anon taking a moralistic stand in regard to (gasp!) masturbation and (gaaaasp!) fetishes. Absolutely unbelievable.
I am going to make this very clear:
there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing shit purely for masturbatory purposes;
there is, in direct contrast to what the most head-up-own-arse portions of this miserable site keep pushing, nothing wrong with having fetish(es) either, so long as you aren’t tricking or coercing living, breathing, non-consenting humans into satisfying them for you;
there is nothing wrong with pleasure purely for pleasure’s sake;
there is nothing wrong with smutty fanfic whose only purpose is to satisfy someone’s obscure kink – if it’s not to your taste or it squicks you out, tags and the ‘Back’ button are right there.
Some people read fic to see ‘what if’ scenarios. Some people read fic for cute, slice-of-life AUs. Some people read fic because they want sprawling, 300K word behemoths. Some people read fic because they want to see their favorite ship falling in love in a thousand different ways. Some people read fic for the sexual gratification. A lot of people read fic for more than one of these reasons and all are equally valid.
Isn’t it interesting, that the primarily-smut-readers aren’t stamping their feet like brats and whinging about there being ‘too much fic with no smut’ or whatever else, whereas anon feels entitled to impose their tastes onto everyone else? Because that’s exceedingly telling, from where I’m standing.
Ir Laimsa Ara Lath 